Every woman needs an arsenal of comebacks for rude pregnancy comments. See the best response to them

The next time someone wants to drop one of these rude comments on you, you’ll be ready…

 

“Can I touch your belly?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “You can look, but don’t touch, please.” Discreetly brush away the unwanted hand.

2. “I prefer not to be touched. Thanks.” Establish boundaries.

3. “Sorry, but touching puts pressure on my bladder.”

4. “The slightest pressure on my stomach makes me ill.”

5. If they reach out to touch your bump, slowly take a step back, grab their hand and give them a handshake.

Sassy answers

1. “Can I touch yours?”

2. Slowly take a step backwards. “You’re invading my personal space.”

3. Start coughing. That will make them take a step back.

4. Touch them back. “Doesn’t it feel weird when a stranger touches you without consent?”

5. Touch them back and stare blankly. They will soon realize why groping is inappropriate.

Snarky answers

1. “Don’t mind the rash.”

2. “Do you want to feel my boobs and ankles, too? They’re also enlarged.”

3. “At least tell me your name before you feel me up.”

4. “You’re not at a fruit stand.”

5. “This is not a petting zoo.”

6. With a serious stare, say “I’m not pregnant.” Their confusion will quickly turn to embarrassment.

 

“Was the baby planned?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “Why would you like to know?” Smile, and give them a moment to reconsider their question.

2. Place your hands on your bump, and whisper to the baby “He/she didn’t mean that.”

3. “Yes, just what we wanted.”

4. “No, we pulled the goalie.”

5. “We love children.” You don’t have to answer the question they asked.

Sassy answers

1. “You’re asking if I had unprotected sex?”

2. “Yes. Would you like to see the blueprints?”

3. “It was an immaculate conception.”

4. “No, I woke up like this.”

5. “It was planned by God.”

Snarky answers

1.“Were you planned?”

2. “I’m not even sure whose it is.”

3. “No, I used my husband’s washcloth by accident.”

4. “No, my husband is too large for condoms.”

 

“You’re huge! Are you having twins?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “No, the doctor would have told me.”

2. “I think I look great.”

3. “My doctor is really pleased with my progress.”

4. “Oh, are you an obstetrician?”

Sassy answers

1. “I’m pregnant. I’m supposed to look this way.”

2. “Thanks. I needed a reminder of how huge I looked today.”

3. “It’s mostly fat. Thanks for asking.”

4. “What are you talking about? I’m not pregnant.” A serious stare will shame them into silence.

5. “I’m not pregnant, but I am expecting an apology.”

Snarky answers

1. “Really? I didn’t realize. Why don’t you dial 911 for me? I’ll have the baby now.”

2. “I was going to say the same thing to you, but I thought it would be rude.”

3. “Maybe triplets. How many are you having?”

4. “No. It’s just a full stomach. I ate the last person who said something about my weight.”

 

“Are you going to breastfeed?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “Why do you ask?”

2. “My child will be fed.”

3. “What are the future plans of my breasts?” Let them cower in awkwardness for a moment.

Sassy answers

1. Don’t respond. Silence speaks volumes.

2. “That’s my boobie business.”

3. “Why? Do you want to watch?”

4. “Me? No, I was weaned a long time ago.”

Snarky answers

1. “How much money do you make?” Turn the tables. People don’t realize how forward they are until they have to answer a nosy question.

2. “Why, are you hungry?”

3. “Yes, as soon as you learn to mind your own business.”

4. “What are you, my breast friend?”

 

“Do you know what you are having?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “A baby.”

2. “We are very excited.” It avoids their question. Hopefully, they get the hint.

3. Say nothing and shrug.

4. “Not sure. So, how are you doing?” Change the subject.

Sassy answers

1. “Do you work for the Census Bureau?”

2. “What’s that? I was thinking about something. I didn’t hear you.” Play dumb, and change the subject.

3. “Hoping for a human!” Close your eyes, and cross your fingers

Snarky answers

1. “Contractions. Hold on a minute.”

2. “A ninja.”

3. “No, I’m still waiting for three paternity tests.”

4. “They say 1 in 5 babies are Chinese, so we’ll see.”

 

“When is your due date?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “Any minute now.”

2. “The eviction notice is December.”

3. “Are you offering to come and help deliver the baby?”

Sassy answers

1.“The day the baby comes.”

2. “About 10 months after conception.”

3. “What are you going to do with this information?”

Snarky answers

1.”I already had the baby.”

2. “Why, would you like to order one?”

3. “If I knew who the father was, I could figure it out.”

4. “Yesterday.”

 

“Have you dilated at all?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “My partner and I are keeping details to ourselves.”

2. “I’d rather not discuss it.”

3. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”

4. “I don’t like to share information.”

5. “Oh my! Look at the time.”

Sassy answers

1. “Did you poop today?”

2. Shrug and say “How’s your vagina today?”

3. “I have no idea. Good day.”

4. Completely ignore the question, and start talking about something else.

5. “Do you hear that fire alarm?”

Snarky answers

1. “Why don’t you look and tell me?”

2. “Oh, I’m always talking about my cervix. Why don’t you tell me about yours?”

3. “I’m going to reveal that on Maury.”

4. “I don’t know.” Take out your cell phone and start to dial. “Let me call my husband and ask him.”

4. “I’m a surrogate. Due to the contract with the baby’s parents, I’m not at liberty to discuss the pregnancy.”

 

“Do you pee a lot?”

 

Sweet answers

1. “Please don’t take it personally, but I’m not comfortable with that question.”

2. “You’re asking about my bathroom habits?” Echoing allows the person to hear the ridiculous question again.

3. “Pardon?” Make sure to stare back, and give them a moment to re-examine their invasive question.

4. “Why, do you?”

Sassy answers

1. “Compared to what?”

2. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

3. “No, but funny questions like that make me pee my pants.”

4. “Do you have Tourette’s?”

Snarky answers

1. “Why yes. In fact, I’m peeing right now. Watch your shoes.”

2. “I guess you missed the memo on what not to ask pregnant women.”

3. “Only when I cough.” Start to cough.

4. “Actually, you’re pissing me off right now.”

GOOD LUCK :)

source: http://www.babygaga.com/clever-comebacks-to-8-personal-pregnancy-questions/

Matthew UrbanComment